I work....is that bad?
Lately the cost of gas has had me thinking about my decision, when the ladybug was a mere 3 months old to chose to go back to work. I chose to go back, not I had to go back or we were going to be raising said ladybug in a cardboard box under an interstate bridge. I know that there are those of you out there that had no choice, and given a choice you would gladly choose to stay at home with your precious little ones. I am not one of you. I tried. I failed. Or rather, I just wasn't happy. Maybe it was post partum, maybe it was the desire in me to have a meaningful adult conversation more than once a day, and besides the conversations with the hubs always seemed to turn into "guess what the ladybug did today?". That is not an adult conversation. That is two adults talking about what the ladybug did that day. I have a degree in marketing. I don't use it much these days, but that is what my degree is in. When I was pregnant, the hubs and I sat down and decided that yes, we could survive on his salary alone and yes, I would become a stay at home mom. Ya'll, I cracked under the pressure. I am not a stay at home mom. It is not in my DNA, though my own mother became a stay at home mom after the birth of my sister, when my father realized that her entire paycheck was being used to put us in daycare and to pay for the gas it cost her to get to and from work each day. That was just stupid. So she became a stay at home mom. I am grateful for it. I was 6 when this occurred, so I was already in school. I did not get the benefit of having a mom home everyday with me. My sister did, and it has occurred to me that she may have been a bit more spoiled and selfish because of it. (She had grown out of it, I just suddenly realized that this may be the answer to so many questions I had when we were small...but that my friends is another post for another day.)
So as the day I gave birth approached, with a sad heart I left my wonderful job to become, a stay at home mother. I was thrilled. The baby and I were going to have so much fun, my house was going to be spotless, we were going to go to mommy and me classes. I had big plans and big dreams. These big plans and big dreams did not last long. When ladybug was about 2 months old and our house was spotless and we were having fancy dinners every night because I had nothing else to do with my time but cook all damned day, I announced to the hubs that I thought maybe, just maybe, I should consider going back to work. Since I had trained my replacement at my old job, going back there wasn't an option. So the hubs and I talked about it and yes, it was decided that if that is what I truly wanted to do then I should go back to work. The extra money would be nice. Nice, but not required. See this is where the stay at home purists decide that they do not like me. They do not like me because I, evil person that I am, chose to go back to work. I CHOSE TO RETURN TO WORK. How dare I? What is wrong with me? I have know idea what is wrong with me, but I tell you this, I could not stay at home another minute. I also don't see it as anything being wrong with me. I see it as an opportunity for my daughter to meet to friends, to not be afraid to venture out in to the world, and to know that there are options. One does not have to stay at home to be a good mother. One does not have to work to be a good mother either. I chose to return to work, because as I said, I think it makes me a better mother that I do. That is my opinion.
I did my research. I found the absolute best daycare center in our area. I made sure that it was clean and friendly and cheery and inviting and that the staff there were all certified in infant and child CPR, that they all had received thorough background checks, that they had nothing but my daughter's utmost care in mind. I found it. I found this heaven and by some miracle of God, they had an opening in their infant room. I took it. I jumped on it like white on rice. I then began to search for a job for me. Another miracle of God, I found one almost immediately. It doesn't require my marketing skills, but it tests me in other areas and I am enjoying it. I enjoy coming in in the morning and being a productive member of a team. I am fortunate to have a boss that understands that I have a family and further more that I don't have to work. He is extremely understanding when family duty calls me. I do not place my job above my daughter.
Anyway, the cost of gas these days has had me rethinking this decision. For what I am making, we are saving most of it. Though lately, not as much as before. Why? Well, because we live 25 miles from my office. That is a 50 mile a day commute. If I go no where else. That is eating up some gas in my car. That is eating up the money that I am making. So why do I continue to work? I could quit and resume being at home with my daughter. However, I just got finished shoveling out nearly $800.00 to get her registered to attend 3K at one of the best private academies in our area. This is a school where she will begin in August and in 18 long (or very short) years will walk across the stage to receive her high school diploma. This is what I wanted. I went to this same academy, as did her father. There was never a question that she wouldn't go here. So now, if I stop working, I will be a stay at home mommy without a child. And where does that leave me?
It's an ironic twist of fate really, that 3 years ago I went back to work without a second thought, one that I still don't regret. Please don't read that into this post. I DO NOT REGRET MY DECISION TO RETURN TO WORK. I went against a lot of people when I did that, but I did it anyway, I did it my way. I am proud of my work and proud of my accomplishments. Now, when because it is becoming so damn expensive for me to work, and I consider staying at home, there is no one but the dog for me to stay home with. I am sure that I will continue to work, continue to maintain my sanity by dealing in the corporate world everyday.
For those of you that work and wish you could be a stay at home mommy, I feel for you. I know that given the choice you would stay home with your children in an instant. Just know that I am not one of you. Maybe I am that way because I know my daughter is an only child. There will be no future manic mommie offspring. She is it. So, I want her to have friends and to learn to share and play well with others. I do not want her to suffer from only child syndrome. So I shuffle her off to a wonderful daycare center everyday while I go and work. I know that there are those of you out there that have no choice, in order to avoid living in that cardboard box under the interstate bridge you must go out everyday in order to make ends meet. And I also know that there are those of you out there that are stay at home moms and that would absolutely die if the situation arose and you had to go back to work, simply because you have become so accustomed to staying at home with your precious darlings. What I am saying though is that I don't like to be judged because I could stay at home and I don't. It doesn't make me a terrible mother.
So as the day I gave birth approached, with a sad heart I left my wonderful job to become, a stay at home mother. I was thrilled. The baby and I were going to have so much fun, my house was going to be spotless, we were going to go to mommy and me classes. I had big plans and big dreams. These big plans and big dreams did not last long. When ladybug was about 2 months old and our house was spotless and we were having fancy dinners every night because I had nothing else to do with my time but cook all damned day, I announced to the hubs that I thought maybe, just maybe, I should consider going back to work. Since I had trained my replacement at my old job, going back there wasn't an option. So the hubs and I talked about it and yes, it was decided that if that is what I truly wanted to do then I should go back to work. The extra money would be nice. Nice, but not required. See this is where the stay at home purists decide that they do not like me. They do not like me because I, evil person that I am, chose to go back to work. I CHOSE TO RETURN TO WORK. How dare I? What is wrong with me? I have know idea what is wrong with me, but I tell you this, I could not stay at home another minute. I also don't see it as anything being wrong with me. I see it as an opportunity for my daughter to meet to friends, to not be afraid to venture out in to the world, and to know that there are options. One does not have to stay at home to be a good mother. One does not have to work to be a good mother either. I chose to return to work, because as I said, I think it makes me a better mother that I do. That is my opinion.
I did my research. I found the absolute best daycare center in our area. I made sure that it was clean and friendly and cheery and inviting and that the staff there were all certified in infant and child CPR, that they all had received thorough background checks, that they had nothing but my daughter's utmost care in mind. I found it. I found this heaven and by some miracle of God, they had an opening in their infant room. I took it. I jumped on it like white on rice. I then began to search for a job for me. Another miracle of God, I found one almost immediately. It doesn't require my marketing skills, but it tests me in other areas and I am enjoying it. I enjoy coming in in the morning and being a productive member of a team. I am fortunate to have a boss that understands that I have a family and further more that I don't have to work. He is extremely understanding when family duty calls me. I do not place my job above my daughter.
Anyway, the cost of gas these days has had me rethinking this decision. For what I am making, we are saving most of it. Though lately, not as much as before. Why? Well, because we live 25 miles from my office. That is a 50 mile a day commute. If I go no where else. That is eating up some gas in my car. That is eating up the money that I am making. So why do I continue to work? I could quit and resume being at home with my daughter. However, I just got finished shoveling out nearly $800.00 to get her registered to attend 3K at one of the best private academies in our area. This is a school where she will begin in August and in 18 long (or very short) years will walk across the stage to receive her high school diploma. This is what I wanted. I went to this same academy, as did her father. There was never a question that she wouldn't go here. So now, if I stop working, I will be a stay at home mommy without a child. And where does that leave me?
It's an ironic twist of fate really, that 3 years ago I went back to work without a second thought, one that I still don't regret. Please don't read that into this post. I DO NOT REGRET MY DECISION TO RETURN TO WORK. I went against a lot of people when I did that, but I did it anyway, I did it my way. I am proud of my work and proud of my accomplishments. Now, when because it is becoming so damn expensive for me to work, and I consider staying at home, there is no one but the dog for me to stay home with. I am sure that I will continue to work, continue to maintain my sanity by dealing in the corporate world everyday.
For those of you that work and wish you could be a stay at home mommy, I feel for you. I know that given the choice you would stay home with your children in an instant. Just know that I am not one of you. Maybe I am that way because I know my daughter is an only child. There will be no future manic mommie offspring. She is it. So, I want her to have friends and to learn to share and play well with others. I do not want her to suffer from only child syndrome. So I shuffle her off to a wonderful daycare center everyday while I go and work. I know that there are those of you out there that have no choice, in order to avoid living in that cardboard box under the interstate bridge you must go out everyday in order to make ends meet. And I also know that there are those of you out there that are stay at home moms and that would absolutely die if the situation arose and you had to go back to work, simply because you have become so accustomed to staying at home with your precious darlings. What I am saying though is that I don't like to be judged because I could stay at home and I don't. It doesn't make me a terrible mother.
posted by Alli's Mom at 1:59 PM
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