This Sucks
Ok, I'm back from my girls weekend at the beach and we had a blast. I'll do a post on it sometime soon, probably tomorrow. I left the digital at home today so I couldn't post pictures anyway, and really it's not as good without seeing the pictures that go with it. Not only that, but we did have a damper on the weekend. We found out on Saturday that my Grammy's cancer has gone to her brain. It's been a weekend of highs and lows. We got this information after she decided to begin hallucinating on Friday night and threatening to pack her bags and move to Japan. My aunt took her to the hospital and they did an MRI which found the cancer. The hallucinations were a product of the tumor and her very low oxygen level. She was released yesterday and sent home on oxygen and we will eventually have to call in hospice. I thought I was doing fairly well with the news, however last night, in my extremely tired phase, I had a mental meltdown. I completely lost it. So today I am tired and I have swollen eyes. It's not a nice look. I also found out that my dad has cataracts on both of his eyes and will have to have surgery. This scares me as well. Man, I just have so much going on right now. I do promise to have lots of pics up soon from our great trip, but right now I just don't have the heart for it. I feel like I have so much more I could say, but I just don't know where to start with all these thoughts that are going on in my head. I'm wondering how to tell my 3 year old daughter when my grandmother does die. I'm wondering what's going to happen with my family after she dies (here's another post in and of itself, but my aunt is very domineering and there are some issues there that I think might drive our families apart after my grandmother's death and I hate this). I'm also hoping and praying that she doesn't suffer, but I don't want her to die. I'm selfish, I want her to stay here with me, but I don't want her to suffer at all. I pray that the Lord takes her quietly and peacefully. I spoke with her yesterday and she's ready. She's prepared and she's excited. She wants to meet Jesus and see her Mother, whom she hasn't seen since she was 13 years old. She's prepared to go and wants us to be prepared as well. I've actually never seen her more at peace. Shouldn't this make me feel better?
posted by Alli's Mom at 12:34 PM
5 Comments:
Oh goodness...reading this breaks my heart!
I'm so sorry about your grandmother, but I think you should *TRY* to find some comfort in the fact that she is at peace with it...but it IS very difficult NOT to be selfish in situations like this.
Hang in there hun, I'll be thinking of you and saying prayers for you all.
HUGS!! :)
I am so sorry, hun. You're in my prayers. It's hard to let loved ones 'go', but she sounds ready to meet God and that should be of some comfort to you. I have had friends whose parents/grandparents have been 'ready to go' too and they said the person was at peace like your grandma. It makes you realize we shouldn't be scared of death. That we are going to be with Him and forever joy and happiness.
((big hug))
You know how I feel about this and you know I am there for you, EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. I love you my blogging buddie. And I HATE to see you upset like this. HUGE HUGS. I'm here, always.
Veronica
oh man i am so sorry to hear that.....that is just terrible and i know it's hard not to be selfish about a loved one
oh sweetie i am so sorry about your grandmother. i know how hard it is to wanna hang on to someone for as long as you can b/c you can't possibly bear living life without them.
all i can do to help is offer ya big ol hugs and if you ever wanna chat, you know where to find me :)
(((((hugs))))))
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